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Dark Fantasy Author

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writing

AI Author Survey Results: Who is writing with AI?

June 1, 2023 by valneilbooks

ChatGPT AI computer program on PC screen. ChatGPT is a Artificial intelligence chatbot

There’s a lot of misinformation and vitriol surrounding the idea of using AI in writing. A quick scan of Twitter would have you believe that no authors want it, and that the only people who’ll use AI to write are hacks that want to make a quick buck by putting out “soulless” books, or nonauthors who will press a button to have AI spit out a fully-fledged novel filled with plagiarized material – a laughable concept to anyone who’s actually played around with AI and understands how it works, including its limitations.

I’ve already talked about how I use ChatGPT in my own process and how it helped my autistic son get words on the page. The fact is, many authors do enjoy AI and are happily using it on their projects, but given the potential for backlash, many are afraid to discuss AI openly. We congregate in AI-friendly groups to share our excitement and discuss the best ways to utilize these tools.

I wanted to see if there was anything to the argument that only newbie writers or unpublished hacks were using AI, so I posed a survey. While the response wasn’t huge, it showed that all kinds of authors are using this technology.

As you can see, there are a lot of different authors using AI. No one who responded only had a single book and most had been publishing for years. So which tools are authors using?

When it came to tools, the top three were Claude, ChatGPT, and Sudowrite (which incorporates both of the former). As of this writing (5/29/2023), Claude is free. Sudowrite and ChatGPT4 are not, and a lot of people were using them. Many of us use all three. My original list didn’t even include ProWritingAid or Word, which both incorporate AI.

What about the argument that AI allows authors to completely disengage from the process?

Contrary to what many people think, authors are still very much involved in the writing process with AI. Good prompts will give you better text, but you still have to do a lot of work behind the scenes.

So what are authors using AI for, if not to write a whole book?

Many authors responded that AI makes the process faster, easier, and most notably – more fun.

And yet many of us want more from AI – better consistency, the ability to have it write in our own voice, better quality control (AI has a tendency to make up facts when stuck, something known as “hallucinating”), and write longer passages.

The application of AI in writing is not a compromise of art but an enhancement of the creative process. It mitigates physical limitations, accelerates writing speed, shatters the barrier of writer’s block, and fosters a sense of collaboration. The usage of AI in writing transcends mere convenience, it infuses creativity, stimulates fresh perspectives, and nurtures a newfound joy in the craft. AI in writing is not about replacing the human touch, but about empowering authors to navigate their storytelling journey with increased ease, efficiency, and excitement.

If you’re an author who uses AI for writing, I’ve created arevised version of the survey, which you can take here.

Filed Under: AI, blog, Uncategorized, word craft, writing Tagged With: accommodations, ai, ai assisted writing, ai writing, chatgpt, claude, disability, sudowrite, writing

ChatGPT Gave my Disabled Son the Confidence to Write: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the AI

May 4, 2023 by valneilbooks

Okay so the second part is a lie—I’ve never really been worried about artificial intelligence. I have, however, watched narrators and authors worry, and illustrators absolutely lose their shit.

Are there ethical concerns? Absolutely, though I believe generative AI can be used ethically. That’s not what this article is about, though.

This is about accessibility. It’s also about how change won’t hold you back—fear of using it will.

But first, let me tell you a bit about my son. Like me, he’s autistic. Unlike me, he did terribly in school. I won’t enumerate our struggles with IEPs and accommodations here, save to say that by the time we got him in a more accommodating program at age nine, the PTSD was already strong. He has a reading disability—decoding is difficult and large blocks of text are intimidating, so he lacks confidence, even though he can read a lot better than before.

Writing is also an issue. He lacks confidence in spelling and doesn’t want to write anything incorrectly. Unlike many typical children, he never used inventive spelling (a period where kids spell things phonetically). He also has anxiety about putting his thoughts into words.

Asking him to read or write will cause high anxiety and avoidance. If someone persists, it will lead to a meltdown. Earlier this year, his sister wanted to watch The Bad Guys. My son refused to join us. Not only that, he was angry. He wanted to watch something with us, but not that. He got really upset and ended up crying in his room. I asked him about it later and he said they tried to make him read The Bad Guys books at school. For him, the series was tainted.

He does enjoy books. We have a subscription to Epic! which has a great audiobook collection, as well as comics with a “Read to Me” option. He adores the Cat Ninja series and falls asleep listening to the audiobook of Diary of an 8-Bit Warrior. He also enjoys telling stories. He’s been working on his own for a few years, though it’s illustrations-only despite my urging to create captions. The creative spark has always been there.

Colored pencil sketch of a mutated zombie. It has a sword hand and carries a severed head. It's own head is distorted and stretched, and one eyeball dangles down its face.
One of my son’s many creature illustrations.

Even with accommodations, he was miserable in a typical school environment. He told me he felt like he was “born to suffer” and that he’d rather “jump off a mountain than go back to school.” He had mystery aches and pains and refused to do any work at school. It felt like we were prioritizing education over his mental health, except we weren’t even doing that because he wasn’t learning. And so earlier this year we decided to switch to homeschooling, sunken cost be damned.

We’d tried homeschooling once before during the pandemic. It was a shitshow. I have a teaching background and the urge to have things structured was overwhelming. Even though we are a very tech friendly household, and I used a lot of educational apps in my homeschooling, it was still very difficult for him. Anything that’s formalized or reeks of school was met with staunch refusal.

I knew we’d have to approach things differently this time. He learns best when things are unstructured and casual. We have some of our best conversations during movie night. Outschool class about making your own Roblox game, something he’s absolutely dying to learn? No, thank you. It’s got the word “school” right there.

Meme image of a Black man tapping his temple with the caption "Can't be stressed by school if you avoid anything with the word school."

On a whim, I decided to show him ChatGPT. I already use it myself, and it’s a fantastic tool. Need a brainstorm buddy? ChatGPT is great for that. I’ve given it character details and asked it how the person would react. I’ve used it to search for things more intelligently and come up with chapter titles.

I asked him to give me a prompt. Together we came up with, “Tell me a story about how a zombie became a god.” It wrote a brief story about a zombie named Zed who became a god and ruled benevolently over humans.

My son was thoroughly engaged, giving me several more prompts like “What if Zed decided to betray the humans?” and “What if Zed then became something beyond a god?” and “What if Zed had to fight a being with infinite power, something beyond imagination, that can turn into anything, any form, or end the multiverse with a single snap? If the being touches anything, the thing would get corrupted into one of his minions and experience endless torment.”

My son wanted Zed to become more and more powerful, fighting increasingly more powerful things, which led to ChatGPT basically repeating itself because power creep sucks. So I asked the kid for something different.

Suddenly the story took a new turn—Zed was helping a survivor, and they were on their way to a fortress of survivors. When we had to take a break he was bummed. He wanted to keep going! I told him to use voice-to-text and DM me his ideas. We could add them in tomorrow.

And he did! I got a bunch of messages, which I cut and pasted into Word. The following day I walked him through how to add capitalization and punctuation. From then on, my son was crafting his own story. He paced the room, dictating while I typed for him. Suddenly the story he’d been illustrating for years had text to go with it.

Sometimes he got stuck, at which point we’d ask ChatGPT to write us a scene, then make corrections.

The first day we went entirely without ChatGPT he got alarmed.

“But we didn’t use AI today!”
“We don’t have to. You can write it all if you want.”
“But I’m no good at dialogue!”
“That’s okay, I am.”

We talked about plot (he didn’t have much to start, just nonstop fight sequences), how he needed to give the characters goals, and how the book needed to end with them succeeding or failing to reach those goals. He shared his plans for the whole story. There are a million different mutated monsters he wants to incorporate and several major plot turns. I told him it would probably be better as a series, and we decided on a decent end point. The last few chapters are even more action-heavy, if that’s possible, and we talked about reminding readers what the characters are working towards.

We now have a 16,000 word rough draft. This week we’re revising, and he’s already tossed out a bunch of the AI created text in favor of his own (Zed can now summon weaponized French fries). When we’re done I’ll format it and add his illustrations. He’s super excited to print out copies and give them to everyone he knows, including his old teachers, though he’s too nervous to make it publicly available at this time. I showed him how even bestselling books have bad reviews and we talked about how no book is for everyone and that’s okay. (If you are interested in reading a copy, please let me know in the comments. I think it would do wonders for his confidence to know people want to read his book.)

When new technology emerges, society has a tendency toward catastrophizing. I remember when the Final Fantasy movie came out in 2001. People were amazed at the quality of the CGI lead, featured on the cover of Maxim, and worried the technology would make actors obsolete:

Among some actors there is concern that these “synthespians” as they are called, will eventually replace humans. …nobody doubts that producers would employ compliant computer-generated actors who require no salary, and hardly any upkeep, if they thought they could get away with it.

Tom Hanks is concerned that technology will enable unscrupulous auteurs illegally to use a computer generated image of himself – or use a digital clone to tamper with his existing performances.

He told the New York Times this week that he was troubled by it. He said: “It’s going to happen. And I’m not sure what actors can do about it.”

In defence, supporters of computer-generated human characters say they are just tools that add to the film-makers palette and that actors have no need to fear. (x)

That didn’t happen. Now it’s common to use motion capture combined with outstanding performances. Even when there is no motion capture, actors are still employed to provide voices. Computer animation is a tool, and so is AI.

Already there are visual artists making use of Stable Diffusion in their own work. I’m seeing people train the AI on their own content so they can create work faster. Others are using AI to flesh out their sketches. One guy even created a script that allows SD to draw along with him. Another created a helpful visual guide on how artists can incorporate AI into their work:

1. AI Matcaps

Create simple fresnel materials for your 3D models using Midjourney or DALLE
(2/9)#midjourney #dalle #noai #noaiart #yesaiart pic.twitter.com/1QmNPYIojb

— Sean (@ThoseSixFaces) December 21, 2022

Many artists are worried they’ll lose business. Certainly many authors are now looking to AI to generate book covers—but so are many cover artists. Most book covers are made by combining or tweaking various stock art. This, combined with genre conventions, leads to some stock images being used repeatedly on endless book covers. It’s particularly striking in fantasy, where pickings are especially slim.

Another issue with stock art is diversity—images overwhelmingly feature attractive white people. If you want a Black elf or a fat middle-aged woman, you’re usually hard pressed to find one. It’s the reason why Paranormal Women’s Fiction tends to go with symbolic covers.

AI solves this problem. I’ve seen a ton of gorgeous BIPOC characters being generated with AI. People are using it to create art that just isn’t available anywhere else.

While it’s definitely easier to get quality images with AI, it doesn’t mean there’s no work involved. Anyone who’s used AI knows it can take countless refining of prompts, blending of multiple images, and back and forth with photoshop to get what you’re looking for. As Joanna Penn likes to point out, the “ease of use” argument was also used when photography was created. After all, someone can just point and click, right? You’d think this argument was settled, but a quick search will show you that many people still argue that photography isn’t art.

AI writing isn’t nearly as advanced as AI illustration yet, so I haven’t seen as many authors getting anxious about it, but that day will come, and soon. It’s important to remember that AI is just a tool (and a helpful one at that). Savvy authors are already incorporating AI into their writing process—using it to brainstorm ideas, write ad copy, or sketch out that one type of scene they suck at writing. It allowed my son to get over that first hurdle—the blank page—and will help others do the same.

During our writing process, my dad came to visit and I told him what we were doing. I’d barely gotten the word “AI” out before he interrupted to tell me that AI was aggressive and rude. I asked him to elaborate, because ChatGPT has always been perfectly polite with me. Turns out he’d read an article in which someone asked ChatGPT the date and when it responded, tried to “correct” the AI by saying it was a different date. The user then belligerently insisted it was the wrong date until Chat GPT acted annoyed and told the user to stop or go away.

I don’t know how accurate his recounting was, but that’s how word of mouth works—it’s a big game of telephone and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what the article said, it only matters what people remember, and what my dad remembered was that AI was rude. It wasn’t until I showed him several of my conversations with the AI and explained how I used it that he began to soften. That’s part of the problem—many of the AI naysayers haven’t tried it, refuse to try it, or specifically use it in ways designed to create a negative response, likely for clickbait.

AI is here to stay and nothing will change that. If you don’t learn to use it, you’ll be left in the dust by those who do. While it may shut doors for some, it will open countless more for people who lacked the time, money, or skill to realize their creative potential. If you haven’t already used ChatGPT, I recommend giving it a try in good faith. You might be surprised at how helpful it can be.

Filed Under: autism, blog, writing Tagged With: ai, autism, blog, chat gpt, disability

Author Burnout or Autistic Burnout?

November 4, 2021 by valneilbooks

I’ve been in autistic burnout for two years. It took me a while to realize that’s what it was, because author burnout is a thing too. I was struggling to work on my book and figured it must be author burnout. But none of the suggestions for getting out of author burnout worked for me.

Authors get burned out by doing too much work. Indie publishing is hard — we have to wear all the hats associated with a small publishing business, because that’s what we are. There is writing, but there’s also working with cover artists, editing, newsletters, marketing and ad copy. A lot of writers hate all but the writing, but I actually enjoy them as they’re part of my special interest.

Then there is the constant need to produce. It’s all about the backlist — how many books you have in your catalog. More books equals more income, but it takes time to put out that work. Some authors use a rapid release model and push themselves to write a book a month (or more). While some authors can keep up that pace, many can’t and end up slipping into burnout.

When I looked at author burnout recommendations, it was all stuff like refill your creative well (read, travel, watch movies), hire an assistant, offload what you can, and don’t push yourself to write at a pace you can’t sustain.

Yeah, none of that worked for me.

Unlike neurotypicals, autistics get energy from our special interests and get super stressed when we can’t do them. I wasn’t writing too much; I wasn’t writing at all. And it was killing me.

I thought maybe it was just the stress of 2020 and everything that was going on in the world. That certainly fed into it, but I expected things to get better after the election and after the vaccine came out. It didn’t. Even when I stopped homeschooling for the summer, things didn’t get better. If anything it got worse because now I had all this free time and couldn’t do anything with it. I couldn’t focus on my book at all.

I tried again to refill my creative well. I set my book aside without guilt and watched movies and TV shows. After month I still wasn’t feeling better. Another month, same thing.

What the hell was happening to me?

Thing is, while some of my external anxieties around politics and covid were reduced, I still had massive stressors at home. The kids bickered constantly, or else they came in and interrupted me. Interruptions are brutal on autistics, and I was getting them nonstop. My executive function isn’t great, but it’s better than anyone else’s in the household, which means a lot of the small duties fall to me. With everyone home all the time they were piling up. Taking a weekend away did nothing, because all the demands and stressors were there when I came back. Except now they were magnified because I had stuff to catch up on since I’d been gone. It was death by a thousand cuts.

I really didn’t start to see a light at the end of the tunnel until the kids went back to school. Since my husband works from home now he’s been handling the morning shift so I can sleep in. I finally have some semblance of control over my schedule and far fewer interruptions. I’m able to work it again, though it’s still hard to get back into the headspace.

I’m not out of the woods yet and feel like I’m walking on a razor thin edge over a bottomless pit of despair. I make dinner for the kids but I can’t make dinner for myself. I cook a big batch of eggs at the beginning of the week so I don’t have to make breakfast every day. I’ve been leaving the pan in the sink to soak. Normally I’d wash the dish same day, but these days it sits there for a week until I need to use it again. This is something my husband used to do that drove me nuts. Now I’m the one doing it. I see it there and know it needs cleaned but can’t muster the energy to do it.

The kids being back in school comes with its own demands. There’s all the stuff surrounding my son and his IEP which I can’t avoid, but there’s also little crap like spirit days and book fairs and homework. Book fairs are fun — we always do that — but I always skip things like spirit days and I told my youngest I don’t care she does her homework. I’m cutting back where I can and focusing on the things that actually need doing. I’m trying to be easy on myself about this.

I’m working on Dark Mind again. It’s causing an undue amount of stress not to have it finished. Again, we autistics get energy from our special interests. I can’t move forward in the series until this is done, which is why am so stressed about it. I’m hoping to have this current revision done by the end of the year, although that might be a pipe dream. I was planning to hire a sensitivity reader for part of it, but I’ve been revising for two years now and the thought of having to do major revisions again terrifies me. I may be stressing over nothing as I try to do my research, but the worry is there. I don’t know that I can handle any more at this point. I just need it done and off my plate.

Don’t know where I’m going with this, except to say that I’m doing my best and hope to recover soon. Keeping myself afloat as best I can. Getting my special interest fix in ways that don’t stress me out as much — writing newsletters, interacting with fans, and writing

Filed Under: autism, blog, writing Tagged With: actuallyautistic, author, author burnout, autism, blog, burnout, creativity, depression

SPFBO 7 is Here!

May 14, 2021 by valneilbooks

Super excited to be entering Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off 7. I’ve watched the contest for a few years now, but this is the first time I’ve had a book of my own to enter. Feels like a major milestone as a new author.

For the uninitiated, SPFBO was started by Mark Lawrence to shine a light on indie publishers. Applicants are divvied among ten different fantasy bloggers, who each pick their favorite book to go on to the finals.

There are 300 contestants so I don’t anticipate making it to the finals, especially considering the polarizing nature of my protagonist, but it’s cool just being able to submit. I wish the other contestants the best of luck.

You can follow the contest here:
SPFBO Page
SPFBO Fb Group

Filed Under: blog, writing Tagged With: spfbo, spfbo 7

How To: Beta Readers

April 29, 2020 by valneilbooks

What are they?

People who read your polished manuscript (do not send them your shitty first draft) and give you feedback. Ideally they should be readers, NOT other writers, though that can be harder to come by.

How many do you need?

Depends on where you are in your writer journey. If you’re a newbie, you’re going to need more, and likely several different rounds. Make sure you’re using critique partners first to get your errors under control.

Don’t Use People You Know

While it’s tempting to use friends or family, these people are generally not your target audience. They may also be reluctant to give you critical feedback. You want people who read in your genre.

Where to find them:

  • Beta readers and critique partners
  • BetaReader Connect – Find Beta Readers & Critique Partners
  • Beta Readers & Critiques
  • Free beta readers, free critiques, and paid editors
  • Beta Reader Writers Club
  • Fantasy ARC and Beta Readers
  • Goodreads
  • Betareader.io (free or paid)
  • Betabooks.co (paid only)
  • StoryOrigin

A call for betas should always include the genre, word count, and a hook/blurb. Use this as an opportunity to work on your ad copy. You want betas? You better have an interesting hook and blurb, especially if they aren’t writers. If you’re using Betareader.io, a mock cover (which you can make free on Canva) will help draw the eye.

If you’re looking in writer groups, it’s easier to find people willing to swap. You read theirs and they’ll read yours.

Always do a test chapter. This is to see if you’re a good fit. Sometimes they’ll never get back to you. Sometimes they’re just not giving you the kind of feedback you need. You don’t need to be sending your entire MS to every rando on the internet who asks. Test chapter first!

Finding betas that will read through the entire manuscript is the hardest part. Most will flake. Accept it. Also take it as a learning experience. If your story isn’t gripping them, especially if everyone quits reading at a certain point, that’s a red flag.

Also look for critique partners. Ideally you would do this prior to betas, but I’ve found that some critique partners, especially those who aren’t good at prose or grammar, are outstanding with emotion and story structure, making them great betas.

Working with Betas

This really depends on your style. If you’re not very good at self-organization, I recommend using a service like BetaReader.io, BetaBooks.co, or StoryOrigin. You absolutely don’t need to use these, but they do help collate all the information you receive.

If you’re working with other writers, Google docs is the way to go. You post your chapters and they comment (this is also how I work with critique partners). This way even if they don’t finish, you’ll see what progress they’ve made until that point. If you’re emailing them Word docs, you may never know where you lost them.

I try to keep my betas separate, because I don’t want one reader’s opinion to influence another’s. This means separate document files for each beta. Is it more work? Hell yes, but that’s how I roll.

If they’re readers, not writers, they may balk at reading a google or word doc. For some, a PDF or ereader file may be preferable, though you probably won’t get in-line comments back.

Asking Beta Reader Questions

You can google a bunch of lists on what specifically to ask betas. Make sure you tailor them to your own needs, and also keep in mind that you’re going to have diminishing returns if you ask too many questions. Keep it concise.

I like to check in with specific questions, like after a pivotal moment or after act 1, 2, or 3 because each of these will have a different feel. If you wait until the very end of the book to ask all your questions, people may not remember how they felt at the end of the first chapter, or the end of act 1.

Your questions at the beginning of the book can focus a lot on how the reader feels about the main character, setting, and if they’re engaged enough to continue. Your questions at the end can focus on whether they felt satisfied with the ending, whether they felt hooked for the sequel (if there is one), and whether anything was left unresolved.

If you’re new, I strongly recommend having multiple rounds of betas. Sometimes the issues in your book are so big that that’s all people will see. Fixing stuff and then asking for new input will allow betas to focus on different things. For instance, in my first round of betas I wanted to know how people felt about my characters. In later drafts, I already knew how they felt, so I dropped the questions relating to character and focused on other issues.

Evaluating the Feedback

  • If one person says something, it may just be their opinion. If three people say it, you need to take a serious look.
  • Look for places where people stopped reading or slowed down. They may have gotten busy, but they may have gotten bored. My earlier drafts of my first book lost a lot of people in the middle. Turns out my throughline sucked.
  • Does this person read your genre? (Ideally, yes. If not, take their advice with a grain of salt.)
  • If you get praise, screenshot that shit and save it somewhere in a file for when you need a pick-me-up.
  • It is NOT the job of betas to offer suggestions on how to fix something. That’s your job.
  • It’s not the job of betas to hunt for typos (though some will). This is what critique partners, editors, and proofreaders are for.
  • If a beta doesn’t give much feedback, feel free not to use them again, especially if you’re doing a swap. Quality feedback matters. If someone does nothing but sing your praises, they’re a shitty beta. You want someone who can point out the good and the bad. The object is to improve your work, not get validation.

Copyright © 2020 Val Neil. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: word craft, writing Tagged With: alpha readers, author, beta readers, how to find beta readers

Selling Your Villain Protagonist

January 22, 2020 by Val Neil

When I first wrote my book, I began with a flash forward that set up my main character as a calculating cult leader who manipulated his followers into sacrificing themselves for a cause. It did a great job of establishing my character and my critique partners loved it. Unfortunately, fantasy alpha readers didn’t. It took place too far in the future for them to care, and the tone (dark and brooding) was vastly different from the rest of the book.

I cut the flash forward, but I was left with a chapter 1 that was never designed to introduce Nikolai with the same level of depth. Lacking the flash forward, alpha readers of my chapter 1 consistently had questions about Nikolai’s character. Why was he like this? What was his tragic back story? And why did he care so much about learning black magic? All valid questions (Except the last one. You really have to ask why a young guy wants to make things explode? Quite frankly, I am astounded how many people ask this. It’s like asking why young men like Call of Duty or Halo.), but not something I could address so early in the book. If I had a traditional protagonist, someone more empathetic, readers would probably be willing to wait a few chapters for those answers. But I don’t have a traditional protagonist.

I have a psychopath.

I attempted to correct the characterization issue by writing a new introduction that hung a flag on it. I started with a paragraph that was the core philosophy of my character, and spent the next page and a half trying to connect that one paragraph to my inciting incident. I ended up with something very similar to the introduction to one of my favorite books, The Princess Bride (at least the “story” part of the book). It opens with a series of comical vignettes that have little to do with the story, but do an excellent job establishing tone and setting expectations. This book is going to be funny, it screams.

My opening was much the same, with a very in-your-face vignette of Nikolai’s activities when he first arrived in Haven. The way I saw it, this segment had one job—announce loud and clear to the reader that this book unapologetically starred a villainous protagonist—and for that it was very effective. The new intro got a lot of gasps and laughs over Nikolai’s over-the-top behavior, and readers stopped asking me why he was the way he was.

The new intro also won me a few super fans, people in my beta reader pool who tore through the book in a matter of days and were super pumped to read the next. These readers loved the introduction, describing it as unique, funny, and refreshingly to the point. I know exactly what they mean, because I dig that kind of opening too.

feedback3

If you know anything about storytelling, you’ll know at this point things take a turn.

I began shopping around for editors, which includes sending a sample of your first chapter. One editor mentioned my intro might have too much narrative and suggested I break it up a bit with dialogue. Two others said it had too much exposition that, while “essential,” should be weaved into the story elsewhere. Most of my exposition was irrelevant to the story, existing for the sole purpose of building character in that intro, so their suggestions that I move it elsewhere weren’t particularly helpful. At that point, it should just be cut.

One of the things I’ve heard in writing is that “If one person says something, that’s their opinion. If three people say it, you should take it under advisement.” While not all the editors brought up these issues, at least three did, and editors know a hell of a lot more than the average critique partner. Still, I wanted to see what readers thought. I did the logical thing and posted in several Facebook groups asking for beta readers for chapter one. I included three questions:

  1. Does the chapter pull you along from start to finish?
  2. Did you find it infodumpy?
  3. Should it start where it is, or begin at the inciting incident (the letter)?

Eighteen people responded and nine followed through. I tracked them on a spreadsheet because that’s how I roll. As you can see below, the majority were less than impressed and found it a bit too infodumpy (though there’s another superfan on the end there).

chapter 1 questions

Disappointed, I rewrote the intro, making it much shorter and more traditional. It had none of the humor or tone setting of the previous version. I sent it to my editor, and she said it was much better.

They say that if you’re ever caught in indecision, you can flip a coin to find out how you really feel. If the result you get makes you feel relieved, then that’s what you should go with. If the result makes you feel disappointed, then you know to pick the other one. Either way, you know

The rewrite ate at me constantly. I could see why it was technically better, but I didn’t like it. My fans didn’t like it. I tried to figure out a way to combine the two and came up with nothing. I made a list of the pros and cons of the original opening.

Pros:

  1. Voice
  2. Character
  3. Humor

Cons:

  1. Too long
  2. Too much exposition
  3. Needed better transition

The third con in particular caught my eye. Looking back at my beta reader responses, several people called it choppy and disjointed. I knew the transition between the intro and the inciting incident was bad. Could that be fixed?

Then I got a late response from one of the readers. Did I still want input? I sent her the new, gutted version my editor had liked, and got the questions once again.

feedback5

feedback4

Right back where I started. The second of these was in response to a line that had previously gotten laughs with many readers. Without the intro, the joke hadn’t landed. It was frustrating as hell. It had been so long (over a year) since my alpha readers, that I’d forgotten this was the why I’d done the villainous intro sequence in the first place.

Out of curiosity, I tossed her the old version to see what she thought.

feedback6

BAM. She immediately sees the necessity of that opening paragraph, the one that gives Nikolai’s core philosophy in life. She laughed three times with the old introduction, and suddenly she was praising my characterization. She went from calling Nikolai “nasty” to complaining that he didn’t go far enough and kill a guy.

feedback7feedback8

To her credit, the she pointed out some issues with my intros that could be addressed. I banged out the third version that solved the problems and sent it back to my readers. The response was lackluster. Basically, “better than version 2, but still not as good as version 1.” I wasn’t sold on version 3 either. It had characterization, but lacked humor and tone.

I went back to my villainous intro, gutted all extraneous exposition, added dialogue to break up the narrative a bit, and fixed the transition (I hope). Then I sent it to a trusted reader and he recommended even more places where it could be tightened.

So here I am, back with my unabashedly villainous introduction. It won’t appeal to as many readers, but it should appeal to the right readers.

Copyright © 2020 Val Neil. All rights reserved. Special thanks to Tim for all your help. You rock.

Filed Under: blog, writing Tagged With: author, character, opening chapter, psychopath, villain

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